this will be the last post here in livejournal.
i'm shifting grounds to a greener patch of grass.
what m i talking man.
have always wanted to change to another blog but kept procrastinating so i guess now it gives me mor reason to do so.
i was wondering should i wriet a nasty 1 or otherwise.
but i guess this little journal of mine have been filled with too much sadness and anger.
so i shall do the other then.
thanks for whatever you've done or tried doing.
i'm happy for u that u've finally realise what kinda person i'm.
good for you.
i've always wanted to fuck out of ur life.
but u're the one who kept pulling me back with all those pleads and beggings.
so now u choose that u want me to fuck off already.
haha. who are you to say what i shld do.
you want to kepp this r/s den u beeg and plead like hell.
then when u don't want to, you raised ur voice and ask me fuck off and hang up the phone on me?
wao..that shows what a good guy u'r right.
before you ask other to reflect, u do it urself.
well don't ask me to use it on myself coz i always do reflect.
but all in all, finally u've decided to let go.
that's good.
and never want to see me again?
well, now i'm shifting grounds, u won't be able to know what's happening to me.
or maybe you won't accidentally click onto this website and accidentally read it.
but this is not all for you, i want it this way too.
exams are nearing so most prob i'll set up the new 1 after that.
so meanwhile take care guys.
ask from me and i'll decide who i want to give the new add to.
till then.
the most bastard species earth.
the most incorrigible species on earth.
the most heartless species on earth.
the most retarded species on earth.
the most crafty species on earth.
the most horny species on earth.
the most hyprocritical species on earth.
the most idiotic species on earth to only noe how to say 'sorry'
the species that i want most to have nothing to do with from here on.
i dun give a damn if it's you or you or YOU.
i will shut my mouth up in front of this species.
they are so not worth even a word from me.
so now, fuck off, pls get extinct.
or shld i say how long till its back to me.
my skin complexion is getting bad to worse...
late nights, oily food, laziness to wash my face etc etc are the culprits.
i'm getting uglier!!!
projects project and projects are killing me!!
2 more weeks to end of term..
1 more mth to break!!
the big-2 day is approaching..
i'm feeling no a lil bit excited at all..
well wad can i say..
oh wells, tml got a test..
i'm not done yet and i'm still here!!
hahaha kk ciao..b4 i go
updates on list agn..
1) happiness.
2) pass my next tp.
3) get a good and nice bike.
4) slim down
5) gd grades
6) pretty face
- white,black,grey skinnies
- perfume( sweet )
- a big shoulder bag to match my girly clothes when i go out(to put my barangs,esp water bottle hahahahah)
- converse canvas shoe
- more long tank tops/tees with funky words
- shorts (not hot pants that those ah lians wear pls...lol)
- full face helmet (pray that chotto tio toto hahahah)
- gloves (basically anything i need to ride a bike?)
- more accessories
-bikini-es
-cosmetics
-facial product
god, i take back the challenge i posed.
i posed you a new challenge, to make me forget him.
to get rid of him from my memories, from my mind, from my heart.
the pain is unbearable.
Try as i might but i cant do it and i sincerely hope for ur help.
lead me the way.
updates on my birthday wishlist. those with no. are of priority in order of importance.\
* a doggy..i reali wld like to keep 1..but i dunno if i shld..
coz i'm rarely at hm and i got myself and coming bike to feed..
but i reali wan 1!!!! anyone wanna raise a dog wif mi!!!
1) happiness.
2) forget him.
3) pass my next tp.
4) get a good and nice bike.
5) slim down
6) gd grades
- white,black,grey skinnies
- perfume( sweet )
- a big shoulder bag to match my girly clothes when i go out(to put my barangs,esp water bottle hahahahah)
- converse canvas shoe
- more long tank tops/tees with funky words
- shorts (not hot pants that those ah lians wear pls...lol)
- full face helmet (pray that chotto tio toto hahahah)
- gloves (basically anything i need to ride a bike?)
- more accessories
that's all i can add for now i think..
the don'ts for my bday presents:
no chocs..(i reali do live them alot alot but i need to slim down!!)
no softtoys pls..(unless u can get anything to do wif bugs bunny, but not the big version coz i got 2 alr)
tts all i guess for now..
i'm kinda disappointed with myself..
after 2 weeks, i took 3 ytd..
but i wanna forgive myself coz i think its quite big of an achievement considering the pain i'm facing now..
guys if u see me give mi a pat on the shoulder ya.(a soft 1 will do mind you.
reading kitty's blog just now, i miss ...... oso
i'll giv anything to return to that day.
to relive the moments.
even giving up getting a license and my beloved bike.
one of my friend told me that when you open your heart out to jesus, you will feel his help.
he told me there's this page in the bible that a guy challenged god to rain in the parts that he use a leaf to cover.
and it reali worked.
my fren challenged god 3 things and he helped.
so god i challenged you to bring us together. forever.
let me feel you now. show me that u really exist. show me you care.
just today, jas was asking me if i'm gonna get another tattoo coz jovina and her was thinking of sponsoring me for my birthday.
(so bad frens!! tsk tsk...hahahaha)
well, i was thinking of getting but too ex alr, i've to save everything for my bike.
so here's the birthday wishlist for u guys to choose.
as and when i will add in stuff tt i tot of ba..
- white,black,grey skinnies
- perfume( sweet )
- a big shoulder bag to match my girly clothes when i go out(to put my barangs,esp water bottle hahahahah)
- converse canvas shoe
- more long tank tops/tees with funky words
- shorts (not hot pants that those ah lians wear pls...lol)
- a bike? hahahaha
that's all i can think of for now..but i'm sure i'm more greedy that this..wahahahha
but actually the only thing i wish to get is,
happiness with him.
but somehow it seems to mean the other also.
almost 2 weeks of carrying out the 'stop smoking' move and still fighting on.
~~digressing here... in as7 com lab now and there's this guy using the com beside me and he STINKS big time!!!
seriously, i dun usually care bout this but he reali stinks like hell. worse den shit. i cant describe it but it's causing my head to ache!!
back to the topic for today..i so regretted i started smoking..its like if i nv touch at all there wun be any need to resist anything now. and i can tell u, the temptations are overwhelming. I just need a heavy setback to end this move so i hope i can withstand any setback that comes my way..
been some time since i last sprained my ankle..
wrong timing, wrong place!!
there's just too many stairs in NUS!! not to include slopes too!!
terrible i tell u.
i cant feel the muscles building up in my right calf.
i cant help but wonder why is it so hard/impossible for guys(~~digress agn..coz the guy reali stinks!!) and gals to
become gd/best frens. why must the 'love' always comes in between??
and when it comes in, it makes everything so complicated.
do i have to report to you for everything i do?
do i have to ask u for permission for everything i do?
do i have to blame myself coz i nv heed your advice?
you want to get jealous go ahead dun vent this anger on me, dun blame me for doing whatever i do to make u jealous.
i asked u to sae out any misunderstanding, not blame alr den sae out.
needless to sae, want me to answer for the jealousy u're feeling coz it just doesn't make sense to me.
u don't see me stopping you doing anything.
coz i respect ur decision.
and u claim u respect mine den y are u being angry now?
think, reflect b4 u put everything to an end between us.
ichi getsu tabacco o suimasendeshita.
taihen desune ga iidesu.
kono uta ga totemo ga sukidesu.
totemo suteki desu.
OVER YOU by Daughtry.
Now that it`s all said and done
I can`t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I felt as if I was in way to deep
Guess I let you get the best of me(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time ago!
And I never thought I`d doubt you
I`m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I`m slowly getting closure
I guess it`s really over
I`m finally gettin` better
Now I`m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
`Cause the day I thought I`d never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other`s opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me(Chorus)
I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time agooo
And I never thought I`d doubt you
I`m better off without youAnd I never saw it coming
I should have started running
I`m finally getting better
Now I`m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!The day I thought I`d never get through
I got over you.
same goes the pain too.
y have u got to enter into my world?
disrupt my thoughts, mood, behaviour?
y have u got to do so many things?
say so many things to make my heart pound for u?
and then u leave it all alone now.
its getting weaker day by day.
i dunno how long more i can endure.
i've got so many questions to ask.
so many doubts to clear.
i've got so many things to say to u.
to let u noe how i feel.
to let u noe i stil care.
but i dun wan to irritate u.
shld i start avoiding.
i wan to c u but the pain is unbearable.
just too many 'whys'.
who can i turn to for those answers.
on a happier note,
to frens out there..
i've decided to quit smoking and the opeartion is ongoing now.
i hope i can endure the urge with all these stress and pain and uncertainties.
i noe i can do it and i'll do it.
i think its the period of the month.
its getting on me agn.
i'm not so weak in the past.
i used to be happier.
i used to be simpler.
things used to be simpler too.
but as u grow, you change.
ur surronding change too.
till its beyond recognition.
i'm losing my sense of identity.
i duno who i'm anymore.
i duno what kinda person i'm anymore.
i'm losing faith,trust,confidence in myself.
lastly, i just noe.
i'm tired on putting a strong font.
as i'm a reali com idiot i oso dunno how to sae wads wrong.
1st tp of my life and guess what i was late.
not gonna blame anybody coz i missed the alarm myself.
but i reali have no idea when the hell i turn off the alarm.damn.
rush down everything did in a hurry.
1st time oso damn kan cheong.
so fail.
angry at myself for not being able to wake up for warm up.
maybe if i did warm up the results may be different.
disappointed at myself for being buay zai.
but all's in the past.
no point raising it up agn.
coem to think of it, maybe it's fated.
even to think of the tp now my limbs will still go all jelly.
glad we make it out my dear miao miao.
tot i'll be able to ride with you after today.
u tell mi not ro rush and all but reali very difficult to tahan.
esp c u riding for 1 yr le! i haven even get my license.
i was wondering if i shld reply to ur blog.
but nah for what right.
u fuck out of my life and i fuck out of urs.
tian xia tai ping!
if that's e way u are gonna protect me, care for me den i'm more den elated tt u don't now.
i didn't start out wif intention of writing so much but the kick is there so wells..
i stil dream of hima t least once a day.
at night or during noon naps.
i realli think that liking some1 need not mean that u must have him/her.
or does not mean that you 2 shld be together.
i'm contented enough to be able to dream of him. :)
i'm envy of you coz at least you are able to meet the 1 that u lik for almost once eveery 2 days even though you 2 are frens.but tsk tsk too bad u didn't cherish.
till the next time :)
"you know why u feel as if whenever i got problems I will find u?
have u ever think beyond that i m the one always jio-ing u, to lunch, to bday, to go out, to this and that...
all the free ktvs, free sakae, free this and that..."
did i ever sae i nv think beyond tt?? i noe tts y i treat u like a true fren. if not everytime i hear u 2 got prob i so worry for wad..coz i wan u to be happy..wan u to be xin fu..as a gd fren.
in this whole world, there's only two human beings who KNOW me, know what i'm feeling and whats going on in me.
they are ah bao and michelle.
although most of the time i find them because i have the time to (becuz i'm not meetin bf), i will go down to find them, i dont expect them to come and find me.
being friends are not kay gao-ing all these, becaus does it hurt to step out of the mac for someone who travelled down from jurong all the way to amk?
did i sae it hurt to step out of the mac!? if it does rite wad for i went out and waited for u at the roadside?? kay gao-ing? well maybe i'm not like those gd frens of urs..but i have my way of dealing things..and i think at tt time ask DD come is best..i'm worry for ur safety oso.
den did u think beyond all these?
i know why u feel that i always bugged u...
because i know that u have friends outside... bball friends...
not like me... where to find a group of friends to study till 4am at mac?
im just pathetic lah.
and thos times u said u envy abt me for having a bf.
and u said that whenever i have problems with him i'll find u.
everything also u say, i also dono what to do or say liao.
everything oso i sae? did i sae i mind? u sae u are pathetic..look beyond. frens outside..dun u have too? wen was the las time i hang out wif NUS riders?? u have them and i dun have..but did i sae anything?
i think i wont find u anymore...
riding in the middle of the night aimlessly might be better than having a destination because it will take a longer time to get home.
well... next time when i ride ard at 3am, i wont find anyone anymore.
thanks for the TIMEs when u are there to listen to my 'problems'.
and wads the meaning of this?? i dun understand. i noe ppl always sae wrongs tins wen they are angry..i've experienced it.
but b4 regreting y not think everytime b4 u say sth tt wil cost our frenship. and if u dun think u regret saying all these then ya we are jus aquaintances.
u keep wanting ppl to stand in ur stand..have u stand in others b4? u ask mi to think beyond.have u?
if i dun care, i wun worry so much, wun giv DD so many advice. tel him how u feel everytime u 2 quarrel.
i dun mind. DID I EVER SAY I MIND? coz i wan u to be xin fu..and i think he can giv u xinfu.
not like mi always kana play.
do u noe how it feels to c tt from ur blog. u ar the only best fren i noe from nus. or so i tot.
u always sae u are lonely..u see me wif frens..is tt true? how many time su caught mi smoking at as1 alone doin hmwork.
i'm devastated.
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muddlehead09- muddlehead09
